1. The bravest thing I ever did was continuing my life when I wanted to die.
2. Life is like a game of chess.
To win you have to make a move.
Knowing which move to make comes with IN-SIGHT
and knowledge, and by learning the lessons that are
acculated along the way.
We become each and every piece within the game called life!
3. I have just now come from a party where I was its life and soul; witticisms streamed from my lips, everyone laughed and admired me, but I went away — yes, the dash should be as long as the radius of the earth’s orbit ——————————— and wanted to shoot myself.
4. I’m trying to let him know what I’m about to do.
I’m hoping he can save me, even though I realize he can’t.
5. I spend a lot of time wondering what dying feels like. What dying sounds like. If I’ll burst like those notes, let out my last cries of pain, and then go silent forever. Or maybe I’ll turn into a shadowy static that’s barely there, if you just listen hard enough.
6. I used to think it utterly normal that I suffered from “suicidal ideation” on an almost daily basis. In other words, for as long as I can remember, the thought of ending my life came to me frequently and obsessively.
7. Even the people who once fought for others tend to get weak and eventually “give up” and lose interest in the worth of fighting any longer.
8. Killing yourself slowly is still killing yourself. Wanting to die is not the same as wanting to come home. Recovery is hard work. Not wanting to die is hard work.
9. I have never seen battles quite as terrifyingly beautiful as the ones I fight when my mind splinters and races, to swallow me into my own madness, again.
10. I think he just loved being with the bears because they didn’t make him feel bad. I get it too. When he was with the bears, they didn’t care that he was kind of weird, or that he’d gotten into trouble for drinking too much and using drugs(which apparently he did a lot of). They didn’t ask him a bunch of stupid questions about how he felt, or why he did what he did. They just let him be who he was.
11. Nobody would commit suicide if the pain of being inside herself, the agony of the sleepless, tortured hours spent watching the world get smaller and uglier, were bearable or could be relieved by other people telling her how they wanted her to feel. A depressed person is selfish because her self, the very core of who she is, will not leave her alone, and she can no more stop thinking about this self and how to escape it than a prisoner held captive by a sadistic serial killer can forget about the person who comes in to torture her everyday. Her body is brutalized by her mind. It hurts to breathe, eat, walk, think. The gross maneuverings of her limbs are so overwhelming, so wearying, that the fine muscle movements or quickness of wit necessary to write, to actually say something, are completely out of the question.
12. Most of the time, I do not want to die. But I would like to have the means of death within my grasp. I want to feel the luxury of choice, to know the answer to “How do I bear this?” need not always be “Endure.
13. In my room, in the dark, I understood what I never had before, what no one else seemed to. I understood how a boy could go into the woods with a bullet and a gun and not come out. That there was no conspiracy, no evil influences or secret rituals; that sometimes there was only pain and the need to make it stop.
14. After each dream, Frankie woke with a start, soaked in tears. But she found no relief in the peaceful silence of her room, because there everything was real. And the guilt was too immense to bear. Each time she opened her eyes, she’d quickly shut them. And wish that she had woken up for the very last time.
15. I don’t know and I don’t care anymore. I was supposed to have my way for once, just once in my life. I did everything right and I got nothing for it.
I want to kill them all. no, better yet, I want to die. No, even bettter than that: I want to kill them all then die.
16. You can think about killing yourself a thousand times a day and each time it gets just a little bit more real. But the day you wake up and know beyond the shadow of a doubt you are going to go through with it, that is both the worst and best day of your life. When you accept it you will find it amazing that everything you were thinking about suicide before was wrong. Suddenly you realize suicide is easy and desirable and that brings relief. No one wants to die. The act of dying is horrific but the reward is being dead and that sounds glorious to me.
17. I got a monster within . . . my own self !
18. So ask me if I am alright.
‘I’m fine; I’m always fine.’
You see this look in my eyes.
‘No, I’m fine. I am always fine.’
There is a corpse behind my smile.
‘Listen, I am fine. Always, always fine as fine can be.’
‘Are you okay?’
‘I am more than okay. I am more than fine. I am wonderful!
19. Life is a bitch; you get used though, or you kill yourself. Either way, you’re winning.
20. We wage battle with our traumas each day, individually and, to a broader extent, collectively. Too often we are dragged from our sleep by inner skirmishes that invade and dominate our emotions, rile the inner snipers, and hold our bodies hostage to our histories. Often we are ambushed by an unseen enemy from within and for the untrained, unconditioned warrior, there is no safety. We hide, isolate, avoid known landmines, and shield ourselves with alcohol, other drugs, spending, raging, sex, gambling, risk taking. At least, for a moment, the terror dissolves and we can attach ourselves to a sense of safety. Even in the full knowledge that it’s all temporary.
21. I’ve given up already in life but something or someone keep pushing me to keep going.
22. I personally don’t think about jumping because things can’t possibly get worse… To the contrary, I contemplate it because I believe things probably will.
23. For as long I can remember I have wanted to die. So that started around age 6. I think. My earliest clear memories start at age 140.
24. But first you have to fight, to try other ways. If your life displeases you, my lad, try to change it. Don’t give in to defeat so easily. Death is the only sure defeat. It is the end of everything.
25. Sometimes the first insanity is the worst insanity. Sometimes it’s the only one. Sometimes that’s good news. Sometimes it’s bad news.
26. When I was pushed to the brink of loneliness and gender agony as a third grader, when I didn’t know how to communicate with the adults in my life about what was going on, I channeled my anger at my own body, my own existence. When the world made who I was feel impossible, I began to see my own body as an impossibility. For years of my life, I told myself this was normal. That kids just thought about killing themselves sometimes. That every third grader had experienced that. In order to move on with my life, I had to normalize it.
27. Drömmar om flykt – också genom döden – tar sig alltid upp mot ljuset. Fridens blänkande pris dinglar precis utom räckhåll, hennes kropp skulle äntligen sjunka till botten och lägga sig till ro i den dunkla tystnaden. I säkerhet. Vem bestämmer när det är dags att dö?
28. I danced in the flames and pranced on the shames of those whose names I could not reveal. I have been told, exhaustingly by a genus of psychiatry, that to forget allegedly means to heal but if only such a thought became real. To die when compared to living has, at times, seemed like the lesser evil.
29. I want to commit suicide but am afraid someone will think I am crazy.
30. How painful will it be that after taking your life, you get to see how close you are to your desired greatness? You get to see the glory you could have enjoyed but you gave it all up.
31. You pen down your name on the list of murderers when you murder yourself. Others stand a chance to see God on repentance but you have none, just HELL. Think before you act!
32. Suicide is the last attempt of re-emergence of the will of life. – On Suicide
33. The crown of life, the trophy or the medal is meant for those that ended well not for those that have up along the way.
34. So the next day we all said, “She will kill herself”; and we said it would be the best thing.
35. She didn’t mind if she died trying. Suicide was in everything she did now, and everything she thought. Suicide was her home: if she could find nothing else, then suicide would always have her.
36. When the devil tell you that you have come to the end of the road, mock life out of him because he has never been to Grace Street, Calvary bridge, It is Finished Boulevard, His Glory Avenue and Jesus Expressway.
37. When devil hands you suicidal thoughts, he just handed you a navigational map to eternal damnation – HELL
38. When the devil creeps in with suicidal thoughts, don’t creep out rather flee to your pastor or a counselor before he overwhelms your soul.
39. Suicide does not end it all as we all think but it’s the beginning of another phase which is determined by how we spent this phase and killing yourself puts you in a very bad position, eternally.
40. How many times had I let myself connect with someone only to have it thrown
back in my face?
Everything seemed good, but I knew it had the potential to be awful. Much,
much more painful than the others.
41. Sometimes I let my phone die and I envy it
42. You wake up wondering if you want to move or not, you probably don’t and when someone asks you ” are you ok?” you just walk off wanting to die any second but you don’t so the pain just gets worse and worse.
43. A faraway look—I have heard suicidologist Thomas Joiner refer to it as “the thousand-yard stare”—is a warning sign for imminent suicide, and one often missed.
44. Maybe that’s why I started thinking that my sexuality or virginity was where all my worth and honour lay. For a while, I tried to see myself as something maybe a little more than just a girl with a tragic back story. For some time, I was waiting to be saved and I was waiting for some prince charming to come and rescue me like in the movies, take me from this house I am trapped in, where I was suffocating on the traditions and expectations
45. I wanted to tell her not to entertain despair like this. Despair wasn’t a guest, you didn’t play its favorite music, find it a comfortable chair. Despair was the enemy. It frightened me for Claire to bare her needs so openly. If a person needed something badly, it was my experience that it would surely be taken away. I didn’t need to put mirrors on the roof to know that.
46. Smile, I do as I march an inch further towards
my funeral. My broken skeleton calls for its
tomb beneath Coventry cathedral, where I can
hear the tunes of saintly people.
47. Sometimes the first insanity is the worst insanity. Sometimes it’s the only one. Sometimes that’s good news. Sometimes it’s bad news.
48. Plan on killing yourself? First, take some time to make the sun shine brighter, the earth glow bluer, and solve just one of the many problems that assail us all. See? You do have something to live for.
49. No one had ever wanted me. And for some reason I didn’t even want me anymore. I wished I could have stepped out of my body and given it back, like you do with a shirt that doesn’t fit properly.
50. Ironic, isn’t it? The moment you decide to kill yourself, you have never felt more alive.
51. I will kill myself soon. But until then, how do I tame my pain?
52. There was nothing else, there was nothing after, and the people who did believe in the great afterlife were just terrified children looking for the happy ending to a fairy-tale, a fairy–tale that contained more darkness than light, and the closer to the end they came the more terrified they became that there would be no light at the end of the story.
53. I can’t stand it any longer. If only I could will myself dead.
54. I sit on the bed, staring sightlessly out the window at nothing. I want to die, and I can’t even do that because Bao is already on his way back to me and I have to be here for him.
55. Even in my blackest depressions, I never regretted having been born. It is true that I had wanted to die, but that is peculiarly different from regretting having been born.
56. So, for those experiencing suicidal thoughts, there is absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about, be ashamed of, or feel guilty about. Please reach out. Getting help does not make you a coward, low-life, attention-seeking, inferior, weak, unworthy, or any other derogatory terms people may spew at you. Being courageous enough to seek help takes superhuman strength. You deserve to feel better.
57. I think of killing myself a lot, and it’s the worst feeling in the world.
58. Suddenly, I viddied what I had to do, and that was to do myself in; to snuff it, to blast off forever out of this wicked, cruel world. One moment of pain perhaps and, then, sleep forever, and ever and ever.
59. A successful suicide demands good organization and a cool head, both of which are usually incompatible with the suicidal state of mind.
60. Those in earthly purgatory, each day, have been engaging a death God for years.